You know the joke about the guy who used to attend funerals as a single man or with a girlfriend. Older relatives would keep asking him "So, honey, are you gonna be next?" Well, they stopped when he started attending funerals and asking them the same...
I don't think this actually ever happened. And I don't think I'd ever do it. But I think the message's clear.
And I guess it would have taken us a lot longer to decide to get married (well, for Him to propose and for me to say yes) had we been to do it under the keen scrutiny of all the people we knew -- and who had promptly asked us during those 10 years. But fortunately we were on foreign waters and no one was nudging us. We were free to think straight and distinguish our wishes from those of others.
So that leaves us with a happy ending, doesn't it? Well, as for marriage, it does. I've still heard a couple of times people sighing and exclaiming "oh, I'd told you you two should get married!" but we only share conspiratory winks and let friends and relatives have their fun. Good that we didn't do it for them. =) However, now there's a new theme to the unending questions, for "it is a universally acknowledged truth" that young people who have fulfilled the criterion of getting promptly married should move onto the next step and reproduce. OK, I guess we are way too cool a chromosome pool for the world to waste but... Here's what I think about having kids.
It is amazing how powerful hormones are. Or is it psychology that makes women at first contemplate the possibility and then, later on, crave babies? I can't answer that for you, I'd probably say it's both. Not that it matters, really. What I find very interesting, though, is that it's happening to me. As if I had some sort of biological clock after all.
Not that I'm craving. Or contemplating, for that matter. I've merely realized that I don't feel frustrated or out of place when dealing with kids. Don't get me wrong, I've never hated them. (What's there to hate, anyway?) It's just that I was concerned for our collective safety. Now I'm not.
I think the spell's beginning to work on me, though I'm still not wanting to have kids right now. But I do like the idea of having some one day and no longer feel that they should be born 3 years old. Maybe I could handle those first three years... well, some time in the future.
OK, so what do I think about having babies now that I'm all "converted"? Friends keep getting shocked when I tell them how cute and smart my hubby's little nephew is. "But don't you hate kids?" the keep asking me. They don't understand. Relatives, on the other hand, keep asking me "When?", with a knowing smile (rather unknowing if you ask me). And I keep telling them, "in due time" (no pun intended, really! =D). They don't understand either. There's a time for everything. And the changes in my thinking only reflect this.
Just as with marriage, there's a time to start having babies too. I blame my psychology training for most of my rational thinking (I'm more of an impulsive risk taker normally), but let's face it, you don't wanna raise kids under any circumstances. They need healthy (both physically and mentally) parents who can take the responsibility. I'm not hiding behind great principles. All I'm saying is that if I can have a say in the matter, I'd rather pick a better time.
I've heard of many couples who, after moving to Switzerland and learning how crazy the job market here is, decided to have kids. Yeah, why not? Well, I'm not that kind. I won't have babies just to keep me busy or bust my self esteem. A happy lot we'd all be!
No, I want to have babies (well, don't tell Him but I want at least two and maybe adopt a third if we're like super rich XD) when the time is right. When I decide to relinquish my career (OK, first I need one =]) and feel all the happier for it. Because for me my little angels (y compris their daddy ;-]) are to be the most important. I will then go back to my work, never feeling that I'd sacrificed anything. For thiey're my angels! And I'll still be pretty successful, without ever compromising their happiness. This is how I see the future.
So yes, we are gonna have kids, just not right now. I don't wanna be too old either, but I want to build a career that I can "sacrifice" -- Oh, no, I'm just kidding! =) In truth I need a career to go back to. Because my little darlings will need a happy and balanced mama to welcome them. So for the moment I'm trying to get there. Be happy and balanced. I still have some time to spend on that. ;)
Have an awesome weekend
all of you! ;)
hugs & kisses
from spring-time Geneva! ;)