Wednesday, October 27, 2010

About Having Nothing and Everything [Ramblings]

I don't know how to begin this post. Normally I wouldn't write something like this unless I had a story to tell or at least some rationale. Well, you could say that I have one. I came to Switzerland a year ago, and since then have been through several stages of expatness. Some were nicer, some more difficult, but they've all been ... well, informative. Or formative. Depends on how you look at it.

Now I'm at a point which I sometimes think is a dead end -- and at other times a treasure heap of possibilities and options. I'm either having analysis paralysis to use the gaming phrase (you know when you have simply too many options to make the right decisions and you just seem to freeze, sort of) or it's really more difficult to make a living here than I thought. I don't know which, but these days I feel often down, which is weird given my impossibly positive attitude. But lacking some things one is used to makes one respect many things that one has. And I'm beginning to see the world as one big solid silver lining.

First off, I've never had so much time on my hands. And instead of spending it searching for jobs frantically and futilely, I could use it so much better! (I'm calling this search futile because sometimes I spend hours browsing job ads in sections that have nothing to do with my field, and deep down I know that I wouldn't find anything there but I can't bear the thought of not having looked everywhere.) So now I'm composing a list of all the things I've always wanted to do, and I swear I'll do them this time! I'll start with finding yoga classes and I'll also be doing lots of ELT related things. If jobs don't come to me in my field, I'll be doing it without payment, but to my own liking and development. And there are tons more, so I definitely won't be bored. =)

And then there are lots of things I've come to treasure. Like the time I spend with my husband and the time I spend teaching. And all the good qualities I have and now have the time to develop. When life's rushing by there's so little time for self development. When I had my first appointment with the unemployment people (ORP/RAV) they were bragging about their aptitude tests and self development training. I was so looking forward to all that and now that they're not going to help me, I can't see why I should give up on it. So I'm going to have lots of fun for sure. =)

The funny thing is that every time I think it through I feel really good about it. Sometimes I feel really sad and hopeless, as I'm really not used to being idle and the thought that I'm almost officially a housewife freaks me out. I sincerely respect all women who can handle a household and take the responsibility of it all, but I'm just not good at it. I know that I won't excel and I just can't consider what I'm doing an occupation. But once I'm done with self pity, I'm fine. You never know what's actually good for you. =)

So basically when you have everything (or when you have certain things), you can overlook so much. When you have less, you can discover so many things and it's not just out of optimism or positivism that I say this. If you don't look at your "holiday" as superimposed and refuse to give in to self pity, it's actually very similar to an eat pray and love session. It's up to you. As for me I'll go for the fun way. ;) And I'm quite sure it's also the more effective one.

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