Monday, September 13, 2010

Where I Stand [Ramblings :)]

Now that we've been back in Switzerland for a week and my 26th birthday is fast approaching, I felt the need to sort my life out a bit. So I've been spending the day in (mostly) silent contemplation of what I really need, what I really want and what direction my life will take.


This is a curious moment of my life, very special to me and I know that lots of people crave such moments but they might never arrive. I haven't been planning for this moment and now that it's here I feel that I need to take my decisions seriously, more seriously than ever. For now my life is really empty, full of possibilities and nothing is preset for me. The limitations are the ones I set myself and my future is only in my hands.

When I was studying in France, my life was sort of on pause. I could not continue my normal course of life there and I was forced to kind of meditate a bit on my usual habits and ways. That was a wonderful time in terms of self development and when I returned to Hungary I could set about the realization of my plans with revived energy and enthusiastic determination.

Now it's a similar time, only now I can feel the greater weight attached to my decisions. Here I am, in a strange country -- for all of the time I've spent here, Switzerland is still not my home -- , no ties attached, and equipped with all the necessary means of achieving my dreams. Now is the time to dream those dreams.

Most probably the only solid factor in my present life is my changed marital status. I could cling onto it as a crutch to define myself but I know better than that. Love and relationships (particularly this very one) have played a crucial role in my life, but that's for another post to relate. These ties are part of our existence, of course, and do define us in a way. But taking them as prescribed self measurements would be cowardice. There's much more to any person than a single social role, and while it might be an important one, it doesn't make one feel whole.

Nonetheless, I do consider my marriage a very important aspect of my life and though I'm not your typical housewife (nor your typical wife for that matter), I cherish the gentle and mutually empowering ties that we share. In fact, I believe that it is this relationship that gives us both the power and means to make our dreams come true. Dreams not mutilated by none of the roles society might impose on us.

But besides being married, other parts of the definition are not so straightforward. Professionally speaking, I hold an MA but that, in itself, doesn't mean much. It's just like your money's hardly worth anything if you don't decide on a course of actions to put it to use. Six years of studying, most of it spent at a university, will become time well spent only if one knows how to benefit from it. And one thing it taught me is that there's no real success for those who don't dare to dream.

So just what exactly are those dreams? I've had a couple throughout my life but, though some have been abandoned, most of them have become fulfilled by now. It is time to draw up new plans.

Now that I've started teaching again, after a pause of almost a year, I feel stronger than ever that this is one of the things I definitely want to pursue. I could talk about how much I enjoy teaching, but what's more important is that I really feel that I've been cut out to do it and I can see ways for development as well. I'm thus planning to take on as many courses as I have to to keep me busy and to make a living.

Should that prove to be impossible (something people have been hinting at), I am now trying to find out more about PhD courses in and around Geneva. I do enjoy teaching, but I also feel that  with my background and experience, there are even more effective ways I could help students -- and teachers alike. I am planning to continue teaching, as the practical aspect of my career, but I'm also thinking about becoming a teacher trainer and taking an active part in forming teaching methodology. I am seriously intrigued by the psychological processes involved in language learning and the differences between the individual learners. I believe if there was a way to make teachers more aware of these, classroom practices could ensure even higher levels of success and enjoyment.

So that's where I stand now, on the threshold of Life. My future is that what I can make of it, and I'm determined to reach the goals I set. Of course, as always, I'm keeping a flexible approach to things, and  I'm also open to new possibilities that might evolve. But it sounds like a good plan to start with. ;)

Thank you for reading,
and I promise you guys
more interesting content
in the very near future ;)

I'll keep updating on
our enormous footage
from Bali as well.

Hugs

Fleur

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